Butter Off Dead

Not quite sure why I'm on this food-focused binge this week, but I may as well just go with it... This one is a little embarrassing, perhaps even shameful, but what the hey - I'm just a little bulldog and it's the holidays and I'm sure somebody out there can relate.  So, I'm sitting at my desk yesterday not writing the article that's due on Friday - just surfing, mailing, reading, hanging out - but also cooking a large pot of vegetable soup as I had OD'd on party food over the weekend and needed something healthy.  Suddenly I spy two blue tins of those Royal Dansk butter cookies that you only see at holidays on my kitchen counter.  I picked them up at Walgreen's (2 for $5.00) and thought I'd keep them around just in case I had some sort of cookie emergency - like people stopping buy or even give them away.  I never really loved them but thought what a bargain - I'm sold.  While cruising the web, I stumbled upon the Times story about butter and how important it is to use the good stuff and keep it cold when baking cookies.  Well, what better time than right now to see how those Royal Danes measured up? They're always flaunting their cookies around the holidays in every possible location - even Staples and Office Depot - so they must be very special.  I'll be the judge, I decided.  

I opened the tin and there they were.  Forty of them - five different shapes, yet similarly flavored, little beige friends.  They really are tiny, you know.  So, I ate one, and then another.  I was really trying to taste the butter to see if each shape tasted differently.  Not quite sure - have another.  Oh, the round ones have some coconut in them, and the flat ones have sugar crystals.  The pretzel shapes are the flakiest, I think.  Have one more to see - does this one have a little orange in it?  Hmmm.... better try another one.  Oh look, there's no more of those left - I'll just keep testing these coconut ones. My, my, the pretzel shaped ones have disappeared.  Well, I guess these plain round ones are just plain, they must have fewer calories. Well what do you know, there's only a couple left - it would be silly to leave them alone in this big blue tin all by themselves.  And by 4PM, there were no more little Danes to sample.  All gone!  Make that all 40 cookies gone.  And there was no one in the room but me.  

I got up to stir my pot of vegetable soup and somehow didn't feel much like tasting it for seasoning.  It smelled good, which was fine.  I let it simmer.  I went back to my desk to check the tin - yep, empty.  I turned the tin to read the nutritional information and here's the tally:

In 3 hours, I'd taken in:

Total Fat - 80 grams (120% daily allowance)

Saturated Fat - 60 grams (280% d.a.)

Cholesterol - 200 mg - (60% d.a.)

Sodium - 400 mg - (20% d.a.)

Carbohydrates - 230 g (80% d.a.)

Sugar - 90 g

On the upside, I got....

Protein - 10 grams

Vitamin A - 60% d.a.

TOTAL CALORIES - 1170

Although it was 40 small cookies, it was more like 20 regular cookies, I decided.  And at least it wasn't some nasty McDonald's or Burger King binge - plus it was European.  Still, I obsessed over it all last night and even found some who nut analyzed the R.D.'s more than I did - I don't totally agree with him, but he provided tons of useful information.   I don't know if there's a moral to this story or not, but I guess if there is one it would be - If you're going to eat an entire tin of Royal Dansk butter cookies in an afternoon, at least have a pot of vegetable soup simmering on the stove.